![]() I had been taking Tylenol to reduce my fever, which was effective but led the nurses to deem my case non-urgent. ![]() But the midwives were concerned and told me to return to the ER.Īfter a long, harrowing experience in the waiting room all I wanted to do was to go home and grieve. I thought this was just what a miscarriage was like- I had read that just like pregnancy (ironically) it was different for everyone. Shivering violently though it was the middle of the summer and about 85 degrees. I laid down feeling feverish, but also freezing cold. As I walked through our front door I nearly passed out from dizziness. I wondered about the exact moment that little life in me flickered out of existence- if anything notable happened, or if as a mother I should have known it. Smiling, holding my tiny tummy, not realizing that the baby I already loved was probably no longer alive. I looked at a picture taken two days before- my first “belly bump” picture. We picked up a breakfast burrito on the way home, hoping something that tasted good might make us feel better. The ER doctor suggested we go home and “pass it,” a coarse reference to how we would physically lose our baby. I couldn’t bear to tell them why because of the pain and the shame. In shock, we drove home from the hospital to figure out what we should do next. I was supposed to present my research at a lab meeting but had to get someone to cover for me. Looking back, parts of that day were hazy and parts I remember in vivid detail. As the other 1 in 4 women who experience a miscarriage know, this is the moment that separates your once continuous life into a “before” and an “after.” ![]() When we went to the ER for a sonogram, they couldn’t find a heartbeat. ![]() I attributed it to “just another pregnancy symptom.” But the discomfort continued into the next morning, and I started bleeding. A bad, bad dayĪt first, I was “just” diagnosed with a miscarriage.Īt 10 weeks pregnant, I began to have intense headaches and back pain one night. But I do know that it was the disease listeriosis and that it took our baby from us. I don’t know what food it was- after an extensive and fruitless investigation, the California Department of Health closed the case. Thought we would literally die if we couldn’t eat a deli sandwich full of soft cheese. We’ve all salivated over a medium-rare steak or an egg yolk. Most pregnant women are aware of the major food “ no-no’s” during pregnancy. ![]()
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